Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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