Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
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Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
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He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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