no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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