....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
