I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
