I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
