you're like a bully in the Christmas story
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
