She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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