I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
