Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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