grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
