you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
