someone get that fucking seahorse.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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