Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
