i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
