dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
