i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
