im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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