Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
