So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
