girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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