Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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