New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize