I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
