i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize