While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
