dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
