So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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