My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
