Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
