I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
