Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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