How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
