Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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