Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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