He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
