I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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