I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
this beer tastes like vomit already
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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