Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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