theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
