We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store