Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.