maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
