sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
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You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
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Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.