matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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