so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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