Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
mondays should just be called national damage control day
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
