There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
