I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
