we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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