that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
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So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
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He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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