Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
