I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
