Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
