so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Vodka?
Forever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
