If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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