P.S. I can't hear my feet
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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