So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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