none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
