I just cut my nipple shaving
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
