I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
