i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
