I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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