TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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