I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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