After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
