how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
