One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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