I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
