So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
