Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
