just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize