Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
