So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
