We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
