i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize