Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
