Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
