dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
