Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
