I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
