I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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