Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
