just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
