those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
