i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
