Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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