dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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