There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
