hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
