ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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