Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
