I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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