peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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