I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
