K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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