i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
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