Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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